存錢記之二

為了買房子我也成了存錢族。那天趁著我腦子還在存錢mode,我去了一趟銀行。我訊問了些存錢的相關資訊,結果那個服務員只管對著我傻笑~ 彷彿就是說 ⋯

看看你自己的行為~ 每一次薪水右手一進帳你就左手把它花花光光 ⋯ 阿現在還來說你要存錢買CD買房子 ⋯唉唷唯吖~ 小姐你就醒一醒吧 ⋯

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Published in: on July 25, 2010 at 2:57 pm  Leave a Comment  

要認真地活每一天

my quotable quotes 123

在三年前吧⋯要離開台灣時有一個好友理解我喜好的好友送給我第一個quotable item,那時覺得好感動被理解給予支持。很奇妙地這個禮物一直陪伴著我。就這麼一個小本子。(現在你知道我多麼好打發~ 不管是多麼小的東西對位了就是對位了。)不過有時盯著這本子盯著盯著也有些壓力 where is my strength to go get them ? where is my strength ?

之後呢有一個晚上去BN瞎逛的時候我看到了caterpiller 這一段,頓時心裡頭又被理解了~ 彷彿上班的總總狗屁屎尿蛋也是有它的義意的。文字的力量真是不小。

杯子呢是有一天想到父母親的辛苦時買下來的。提醒自己要好好地對待每一天要認真地活每一天。不可以浪癈自己的生命。Try not care about what others utter out of their mouth, many times it is without thoughts it is meaningless. Sing your hearts out for the lord to hear. Dance for your own enjoyment. Be brave to go get what you want, you may not always succeed but at least you tried your best at it and there would be no regrets. Don’t be afraid to get hurt in love, because if you constantly think of your own benefits, then you are not giving after all. Live the fullest, my sweet melon child. 現在每天早上喝人蔘或枸杞或咖啡或熱可可,就是用著它。給自己力量提醒自己今天也要認真呐。

Published in: on July 21, 2010 at 11:32 am  Leave a Comment  

where did the money go ?

2/ 19 Tuesday

Were just doing some calculations
Dunno where I spent all my pay checks
There was just the boys’ new year red envelop
That was only $100
And I got some indoor plants for $40
I dunno nei
Can’t seem to remember
I only got a few turtlenecks, and that was only $40
And I didn’t get the down comforter ($100) nor the sheets yet ($30, walmart)

Yah….. I remember now, I had to spent $150 on the mac leopard system
That’s when it all started. Perhaps
Cuz I really want to get a hang of FLASH, and that needed leopard
Yet I still got no one to teach me how to use FLASH

Dunno how I got myself in debt for $500. Scary
Even the bank called to remind me that I am in serious trouble.
If I let the account to be negative for 35 days, it will be shut down and I won’t be able to open an account for 6 years. How scary

And I need to ring the student loans

Gotta take a shower so I can wake up

Published in: on July 19, 2010 at 10:06 am  Leave a Comment  

it’s tough to be alone

Today I know even more I have trouble to be alone ! With no other persons in the house, me all alone, even tho when there is people, there’s no possible way for me to hear other people’s breathing, but somehow on the back of my head, when I am alone, I know I am alone. And sometimes on a weekend when one has no jobs to occupy oneself with, no duties to have headaches with, it can be quite a lonesome day, or quite a peaceful day. All depends how one takes it. This morning on the toilet after showering, I prayed a little to the LORD, “ to let me know His existence, to look after me, and I am not alone.” I tried to tell my lonesome self. I also told myself ( as I planned to spend the day at STARBUCKS the location where I had part-timed about 6 months last year, for writing and for hanging with friends. ) I am lucky to have a place to go to hang while I am bored or lonesome. I should feel lucky, the LORD is taking care of my needs. Now at this moment, honestly I am dead tired and ready for a nap. But I tell myself to start writing a little, to get started. Sometimes this is all I need to feel okay with my gigantic list of writing assignments waiting to get done and publish on to the blog. Once I get started, the irritable edgy feeling of procrastination will take a hike and I can have peace.

big round leave plant i got to keep me company when i write.

Yeah hah huh …… you can tell what a crazy person I am, with no editor to push me and no one to nag me, but my own nagging self does al the work already. Yeah ! better get started …. So I can soon have some peace. The reason I am tired is because I have shopped for 3 hours since I left the house this morning. ( Tho I did encounter one KITCHEN KAPERS shop in Princeton that I just adore and I would go there again just to study the products ! they have wonder stuff. Today I encountered popsicle maker and a recipe book for ice screams and a nut grinder thingee, and also a BIALETTI 3 cup expresso brewer ! Great stuff. ) I gotta stop doing this. Or make it into more of a job related thing so the shallow feeling will stop. This morning i meant to do a little exchange and browse some BANANA REPUBLIC boxers cuz they are just so goddamn comfortable. But somehow I was in the store for hours. I stopped at 3 shops today : BANANA REPUBLIC, NEW YORK & COMPANY, ANTHOPOLOGIE. Now I am dizzy. SHALLOW FEELING : This occurred cuz I have been too much browsing and shopping

9:12 pm, I came back to STARBUCKS. After a nap and some chowing of salmon and Vietnamese beef noodle soup ! i found out I have accidently erased my list of writing assignments. Great. I suppose it show I am not completely awake nei………. Here’s the list

  1. boston trip 07/05 – 07/07
  2. LC incidence 0713
  3. ELEGANT COVERLET anxiety 0717
  4. Shop until I drop 0615 – 0718
  5. “Don’t point your fingers at me, that’s rude “ 0615
  6. piggy getting organized 0625
  7. monkey business 0520 –

update one year later – gotta go searching for diary notes. these memories aren’t fresh in my head no more. which is a good thing because it means i have moved on.

Published in: on July 19, 2010 at 9:56 am  Leave a Comment  

“ don’t point your fingers at me ! “

0718
This incident happened sometime in June.
Honestly I was just getting frustrated at the many mistakes even smarty paints R can make, her hmmm ! I successfully charmed him” look, her “ I know it all , and you guys are lazy not to read the instructions. That’s my bible, and I read it.” attitude.

One day on the first week ( of the 2 upper management men started working here) , I was walking towards the kitchen and saw R chatting with M. She had this grim on her face that said ” huh! I just successfully charmed him. That was easy.” I didn’t like that. I think I was shocked to see such an expression at such a time. I mean, the monkey business is still going on, nothing is definite, nothing is certain. How …… in a time like this, could a person have such an expression ? I know she’s a young woman. and I was also somehow jealous ? turned off somehow. I think because caring S was trying to set up me and M, so I innocently and foolishly thought M was mine alone. ( Ha ha hah hah…… it was just hilarious now I think of it. How I had felt. Huh ! )

and cuz R had giving a lot of information to both N and M, and also training A at the same time. She was over whelmed and she had started to make some mistakes. With this in mind it was understandable, but at the time I was annoyed. I mean, we have one cloudy headed B and that was enough with her almost weekly mistakes. 2 of messy B was unbearable to me. On top of this, R always behaved like she knows it all. And main trouble is she does not like to double check with buyer. And that attitude cost us a lot.

She was also getting nervous and nuts. First we found out #1 is going to return more than 10,000 sets of elegant coverlet and then we find out that all programs of #2 …. Has a difficult time passing the testing. And with all her new tasks, she was behind in some of her priorities and then when she realizes them, she would use a threatening tone to tell me her concerns. Which was ……..unpleasant enough that I always tried to ignore her by walking away while she was half way speaking. I know I was not clear enough in expressing my feelings and it must have contributed to our later confrontations. At the time, I was just so shocked of that behavior that all I could do was to physically take myself out of that situation. To free myself of her area of bad chi.

One day again, she said in a threatening tone “ NO ! NO ! NO ! tell china they will still have to do the same thing. I mean it, if they are late again, they’re dead. “ she said this while she points her index finger at me.

I was so pissed. I said to her right then and there, with E with us, “ don’t point your fingers at me. That’s rude. “
It was very shocking to her and myself. She said she was sorry and then she started to make some jokes. Which made me upset, I mean are you making jokes because you think I am not serious ? I just confronted you and a minute after you can make jokes ? are you human ? of course all of this was in my head and I said nothing except used all my strength to sustain my serious look. She then said she was sorry again. After a minute of standing there and realizing I was not going to pay her any attention, she finally left. Left me alone is how I felt.

After five min she actually came to me and said she was sorry she did not do it intentionally and she got scared at my behavior and immediately she stared to cry and then ran to the bathroom. I was shocked and could not utter any sounds out of me. The whole time I felt she was manipulative. Maybe it made me think of my old self where I used to use my tears to get what I want cuz i didn’t any other way and didn’t believe that i rightfully do deserve better.
The next day she rudely started to talk about it and she told me she had googled “finger pointing” and discovered it was an asian education thing. She was a blonde American was never taught at school to not point her finders at people.
I was shocked. And just prayed that she never brings it up again.
At the time I had no idea how I felt why I was so angry and was just so overwhelmed with work myself that I wished to be left alone. And more importantly, to be respected. Meaning, if you wish to talk about a confrontation, ask if this is a good time, and let us to be alone to have some privacy. Yeah !!
GOD answered my prayer and the next day she did not talk about it and on her way to leave for the weekend, she gave me a big smile to let me know she was okay now, to smile at me, so it was somewhat over for her, this discomfort.

0720
2 days ago I wrote this at starbucks. Somehow it read more like a diary like I was just mumbling to myself and there is no main agenda except my pain. I even interviewed a few americans my ex-coworkers at STARBUCKS to find out if finger pointing is a regular thing. It is not. luckily it is quite universal.

Published in: on July 19, 2010 at 9:42 am  Leave a Comment  

shop shop shop …..shop till i drop

0718
This occurred cuz I have been too much browsing and shopping for work purposes and it all started a 5 weeks ago when the 2 new upper management men started working. First caring S wanted to pair me up with single available M, and then it was smarty pants R who dressed up for an entire week, and also somehow I started to notice how good looking U’s two casual work jackets looked. And then I just could not set still and go to work as my old self no more. And so for the last 5 weekends I have been browsing and shopping every possible chance I get and usually I only shop when I have my period, so this shopping project has gone on for too long and I am ready to call it quits for good !!

0720
today tho once I heard barbara’s good news – she has gotten a fulltime music teacher offer in an American school in Taiwan, so she will be in the US for a short while to gather her things and pack. This means I will see her and I will have a chance to get some gifts to dad.
So once again my shopping spree nei….. but this time it is different , to purchase things for your love ones is a wonderful feeling. Yeah….. to have people you care for and to get presents for them is a good feeling. I will have about 8 days to shop.
For dad, I would like to get some comfy boxers for dad and maybe some light weight warm pajama shirts.
For mom, I dunno nei. I suppose she would also benefit from the light weight warm pajamas. Tho Taipei does not get cold very often it would be nice to have something warm and light when you need it for wet rainy winter days.

Published in: on July 19, 2010 at 9:33 am  Leave a Comment  

i have lost my favorite pair of pants and i am paranoid

WHERE IS THAT PAIR OF PAINTS ? !!
I LOST IT ?
WHERE DID I PUT IT ?
I LEFT IT IN THE CAR ? AT STARBUCKS ? ON MY DESK AT WORK ? DID I ? COULD I ? COULD I HAVE POSSIBLY LEFT IT ACCIDENTLY AT THE LIBRARY ? WHERE IS IT ? ………….OHHHH MY GOD, I MUST HAVE LEFT IT AT THE GYM ? IT MUST HAVE BEEN THAT DAY WHERE AFTER I SHOWERED I PUT ON THE SAME EXERCISING PANTS AND LEFT MY JEANS IN THE LOCKER ROOM ?…………..WOULD IT STILL BE THERE , SOMEONE TOOK IT ? I MEAN IT’S SUPPOSE TO BE A HIGHLY PRICED GYM SO I DON’T THINK ANYONE THERE WOULD WANT A PAIR OF WORN JEANS…..

all week long or about 10 days, these thoughts kept going on over and over in my already bombarded head, it was just awful. Finally one day, I looked over to the KIPLING bag lying there, it’s been there all this time, with me, with my paranoia of loosing my favorite new pair of jeans. And for no other reason than curiosity of what might be in the bag, I unzipped the bag, and wallah, it’s there. My favorite pair of jeans, superb comfortable stretch cotton in the color of khaki and brown from the beautiful classy store BANANA REPUBLIC.

I WAS SO GLAD.
Well also felt how silly I was, thinking about the pair of jeans over and over again.

Published in: on July 19, 2010 at 9:31 am  Leave a Comment  

new awareness

1o days ago when I had PMS, it was like HELL. I hated jenny my always talented but mostly frantic and nerve-racking boss and I wanted to smack her everyday I saw her. SERIOUSLY. I mean when you’re a boss you have to learn to be calm to be smooth to be COOL. And if you’re not, then … hey maybe you ought to be doing something else.
And I hated my life I was pitying myself for my almost 40 still single 3 month pregnant looking belly, fat thighs fat legs, my lack of energy to go to the gym , my lack of energy to be positive to make productive usage of my times. I even thought my life was pathetic : I am almost 40 I have no saving no husband no house to live and I only get paid 30k a year. I don’t really own any possession that is worthy of money, except my life experiences and my talent as a graphic designer. I am depended on my sister’s good well to keep me at her house. And sometimes I fear she wants me out and where would I go ? if I have to pay rent out of my merely 2K monthly salary plus all of my loans and expenses, I would be left with a few hundred to spend monthly and I would not be able to save anything or buy anything nice, I will probably be forced to buy everything at WALMART + KHOLS, where they have little above average products for low prices when it is on sale. And I would be forced to only get things when there is a big sale and I would have to watch for the sales all the time.

I know I know I am paranoid and housewives from all over the world do this all the time, they need to budget their household spending so they can feed their families and every penny they save they can spend it on themselves. I know this and I know especially JAPANESE WIVES are proud of themselves for being able to create new dishes out of leftovers and recycle pudding containers for sand castle budgets…….. I know cuz I watch a lot of JAP SOAPS. But I am single and just the thought that I have to live like that frightens me. I mean I get it and I think I will be able to take it, if I have some sort of plan and I am saving something for that plan, that awesome plan like taking a trip abroad or using the money for a down payment of a car or a house , something valuable. But the thought of saving nothing and living on pennies scares me.

So anyhow the PMS days was definitely HELL.

Then when my flow came, I finally was calm and I realized I was so lucky to have this job, and I am single and I am fortunate enough to stay with my sister for free and she is just such a darling and so is her husband they are both nice folks. Sure they can be a little over bearing at times but that’s just their style to show that they care about you. And about my job, I am so lucky to have a design job that is only 15 miles away from where I reside and I am learning so much at work, sure at times I feel I am being taken advantage of they gave me so much work and so little pay. But hey I am learning a lot and that is important. And I am so lucky have pleasant and smart co-workers. Everyone is nice and I just enjoy their company so much.
And i am just glad to be alive.
……….
So my new awareness is that PMS is HELL and I should learn to just dismiss any negativity I feel because it’s just PMS talking and feeling, it’s not me.
And after PMS I am all fine and sunny again.

Published in: on July 19, 2010 at 9:29 am  Leave a Comment  

miao ~ the soon to be missing cat

her name is catherine too. we call her cat.
at first i was ….. reluctant to call her
cat. i mean that is a very cute nickname why should she have it all to herself ? you see how we girls can be so ….. easily jealous. then i recall during first week at work she was not busy and she wanted some attention so she was whining ? sort of spoke in a sweet tone so she would get some attention. i was so annoyed i ignored her treated her like she was air. then second week we gave her work and i began to like her because she spoke her mind. she was not easily intimidated or she hid it very well. she spoke her mind about :

1. please clarify what the heck you are talking about because i am not your bodyworm i cannot guess your mind. ( not in these words of course cuz she’s a pleasant worker. )

2. how her old work place got things organized. that is a huge job to organize the fabrics and samples. and of course at our job we madly and badly needs lots of organizations so we asked her and she shared.

3. when she had a design idea that desiredto come true she would ask ask ask ask relentlessly until she gets an answer.

4. about the whole copy right process. she had spoken to lawyers and she informed us everything.


the reason that she decided to quit was because of my stupid boss’s behavior. anyhow my boss was behaving rather irrationally one day and offended her, and the next day she gave her 2 week notice. the event had to do with copy right issues. my boss wanted to wrongly copy right the fabrics that do not belong to us and
cat had informed her this is not correct and you will get into trouble and the boss said just go ahead and do it. so cat did follow instructions and did many under her name and later under the boss’s name, then she informed the boss, this is very wrong and i am not getting involved any more. then the boss did something offensive and the next day cat quits.

sharp eyes on a soft feature

i was so sorry cat quit. i think i liked her a lot because she had a clear head and she was able to clearly express her ideas and feelings. she was a fighter a cute one. her task was copy right issues and technical sketches ( these are needed for production ) , although these tasks took all her hours during the day, she always had input on design and mostly when she shared about her feelings of working here i felt yes i have those feelings too, like you see i carzy and just randomly picking on other people have the same feeling as i do too. and she seem like she was enjoying her life, she recently got a house nearby. she is a taurus i thought she had a good handle and plans on what she wants in life. and suddenly she quits. that was so unexpected. she was the one who said ” people in our department are so easily to get along with and that is important in a job ” not so long ago.

however honestly i am happy for her.. tho she will be tight
budgetwise for a while. it is not easy to make a decision like this during this US economy. she even lives the closest to the office.

ai ya ya

good luck to her good luck to me good luck to all of us.

Published in: on July 18, 2010 at 7:17 pm  Leave a Comment  

” cuz we’re honest “

cros pendent so simple it's just splendid & a true beuty

shopping this is a no no for me cuz i know i should be saving up and so i can afford to purchase a small townhouse cuz i can’t be staying at my kind hearted darling sisters my entire life i have already shamelessly stayed for 3 years almost….. but…… one can’t help themselves when one sees beautiful things….. right ? … so i did a little shopping la…… just a little……. i bought 2 super thin plain necklace chain ? ( one 10 inch the other 12 inch ) i am not sure how to explain it. sterling silver. and i also found a cross pendant. i have been thinking about getting one since i finally understood what the cross meant. and also about the sterling silver necklace chain, i have been thinking about it for 10 years since i saw it on CARRIE the writer character on sex and the city. they look so charming on her ! now they can look charming on me ! hee hee….

one interesting note is the sales lady her name is CHRIS when i asked how come her prices are much much lower than department store prices. ( the chains i got were 10 dollars and 12 dollars and the pendant was 7 dollars ) she replied ‘ cuz we’re honest.’ huh huh that was a good answer ! yeah later she added the owner really want people to enjoy jewelry.

desert wind and cute shot glasses. wow i am set. for what ? you can imagine.....

and ohhh, i got those 4 shot glasses too. but they were not only cute they also have drink mixing recipes on them. ( i remember yvonne you were interested to know how the cocktail drinks are done. so i thought hey it’s a good thing to have on the glass itself how convenient no need to memorize or look it up in books ! …..iiyo …. ! ) so it’s a good buy. tho one of the boys broke one while transporting them to the car. ( what can i say ? it’s my own fault to trust them to transport my newly bought goods. )

ok. gotta go. am tired from writing, i took off today to rest and enjoy my birthday. i have been feeling weak with swollen glands for a week now and i need to take care of myself. just the thought of spending my birthday working in the office in pain is excruciating to me. so i informed my nutty boss yesterday that i will take off today. yeah ! good job !
i know this sounds silly to you , to ask for a day off is no biggie but it is hard for me. thank goodness there is no packaging design tasks that needs to be done urgently this week or i will be in pain at work alone. and plus i have been trying hard to be a responsible dependable worker.
back when i was in taipei doing teaching or newspaper editorial design i often called out and to me it was normal to take days off to take care of my health but to my superiors they told me i need to use off days to take care of my health not use working days. it took me a while to understand and agree to what they mean. so since i have been at this job a year ago, i almost never take a day off because i did not feel feel. i just worked and got through the day with prayers while in pain.

Published in: on July 18, 2010 at 6:28 pm  Leave a Comment