new awareness

1o days ago when I had PMS, it was like HELL. I hated jenny my always talented but mostly frantic and nerve-racking boss and I wanted to smack her everyday I saw her. SERIOUSLY. I mean when you’re a boss you have to learn to be calm to be smooth to be COOL. And if you’re not, then … hey maybe you ought to be doing something else.
And I hated my life I was pitying myself for my almost 40 still single 3 month pregnant looking belly, fat thighs fat legs, my lack of energy to go to the gym , my lack of energy to be positive to make productive usage of my times. I even thought my life was pathetic : I am almost 40 I have no saving no husband no house to live and I only get paid 30k a year. I don’t really own any possession that is worthy of money, except my life experiences and my talent as a graphic designer. I am depended on my sister’s good well to keep me at her house. And sometimes I fear she wants me out and where would I go ? if I have to pay rent out of my merely 2K monthly salary plus all of my loans and expenses, I would be left with a few hundred to spend monthly and I would not be able to save anything or buy anything nice, I will probably be forced to buy everything at WALMART + KHOLS, where they have little above average products for low prices when it is on sale. And I would be forced to only get things when there is a big sale and I would have to watch for the sales all the time.

I know I know I am paranoid and housewives from all over the world do this all the time, they need to budget their household spending so they can feed their families and every penny they save they can spend it on themselves. I know this and I know especially JAPANESE WIVES are proud of themselves for being able to create new dishes out of leftovers and recycle pudding containers for sand castle budgets…….. I know cuz I watch a lot of JAP SOAPS. But I am single and just the thought that I have to live like that frightens me. I mean I get it and I think I will be able to take it, if I have some sort of plan and I am saving something for that plan, that awesome plan like taking a trip abroad or using the money for a down payment of a car or a house , something valuable. But the thought of saving nothing and living on pennies scares me.

So anyhow the PMS days was definitely HELL.

Then when my flow came, I finally was calm and I realized I was so lucky to have this job, and I am single and I am fortunate enough to stay with my sister for free and she is just such a darling and so is her husband they are both nice folks. Sure they can be a little over bearing at times but that’s just their style to show that they care about you. And about my job, I am so lucky to have a design job that is only 15 miles away from where I reside and I am learning so much at work, sure at times I feel I am being taken advantage of they gave me so much work and so little pay. But hey I am learning a lot and that is important. And I am so lucky have pleasant and smart co-workers. Everyone is nice and I just enjoy their company so much.
And i am just glad to be alive.
……….
So my new awareness is that PMS is HELL and I should learn to just dismiss any negativity I feel because it’s just PMS talking and feeling, it’s not me.
And after PMS I am all fine and sunny again.

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Published in: on July 19, 2010 at 9:29 am  Leave a Comment  

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