it’s tough to be alone

Today I know even more I have trouble to be alone ! With no other persons in the house, me all alone, even tho when there is people, there’s no possible way for me to hear other people’s breathing, but somehow on the back of my head, when I am alone, I know I am alone. And sometimes on a weekend when one has no jobs to occupy oneself with, no duties to have headaches with, it can be quite a lonesome day, or quite a peaceful day. All depends how one takes it. This morning on the toilet after showering, I prayed a little to the LORD, “ to let me know His existence, to look after me, and I am not alone.” I tried to tell my lonesome self. I also told myself ( as I planned to spend the day at STARBUCKS the location where I had part-timed about 6 months last year, for writing and for hanging with friends. ) I am lucky to have a place to go to hang while I am bored or lonesome. I should feel lucky, the LORD is taking care of my needs. Now at this moment, honestly I am dead tired and ready for a nap. But I tell myself to start writing a little, to get started. Sometimes this is all I need to feel okay with my gigantic list of writing assignments waiting to get done and publish on to the blog. Once I get started, the irritable edgy feeling of procrastination will take a hike and I can have peace.

big round leave plant i got to keep me company when i write.

Yeah hah huh …… you can tell what a crazy person I am, with no editor to push me and no one to nag me, but my own nagging self does al the work already. Yeah ! better get started …. So I can soon have some peace. The reason I am tired is because I have shopped for 3 hours since I left the house this morning. ( Tho I did encounter one KITCHEN KAPERS shop in Princeton that I just adore and I would go there again just to study the products ! they have wonder stuff. Today I encountered popsicle maker and a recipe book for ice screams and a nut grinder thingee, and also a BIALETTI 3 cup expresso brewer ! Great stuff. ) I gotta stop doing this. Or make it into more of a job related thing so the shallow feeling will stop. This morning i meant to do a little exchange and browse some BANANA REPUBLIC boxers cuz they are just so goddamn comfortable. But somehow I was in the store for hours. I stopped at 3 shops today : BANANA REPUBLIC, NEW YORK & COMPANY, ANTHOPOLOGIE. Now I am dizzy. SHALLOW FEELING : This occurred cuz I have been too much browsing and shopping

9:12 pm, I came back to STARBUCKS. After a nap and some chowing of salmon and Vietnamese beef noodle soup ! i found out I have accidently erased my list of writing assignments. Great. I suppose it show I am not completely awake nei………. Here’s the list

1. boston trip 07/05 – 07/07
2. LC incidence 0713
3. ELEGANT COVERLET anxiety 0717
4. Shop until I drop 0615 – 0718
5. “Don’t point your fingers at me, that’s rude “ 0615
6. piggy getting organized 0625
7. monkey business 0520 –

update one year later – gotta go searching for diary notes. these memories aren’t fresh in my head no more. which is a good thing because it means i have moved on.

shop shop shop …..shop till i drop

0718
This occurred cuz I have been too much browsing and shopping for work purposes and it all started a 5 weeks ago when the 2 new upper management men started working. First caring S wanted to pair me up with single available M, and then it was smarty pants R who dressed up for an entire week, and also somehow I started to notice how good looking U’s two casual work jackets looked. And then I just could not set still and go to work as my old self no more. And so for the last 5 weekends I have been browsing and shopping every possible chance I get and usually I only shop when I have my period, so this shopping project has gone on for too long and I am ready to call it quits for good !!

0720
today tho once I heard barbara’s good news – she has gotten a fulltime music teacher offer in an American school in Taiwan, so she will be in the US for a short while to gather her things and pack. This means I will see her and I will have a chance to get some gifts to dad.
So once again my shopping spree nei….. but this time it is different , to purchase things for your love ones is a wonderful feeling. Yeah….. to have people you care for and to get presents for them is a good feeling. I will have about 8 days to shop.
For dad, I would like to get some comfy boxers for dad and maybe some light weight warm pajama shirts.
For mom, I dunno nei. I suppose she would also benefit from the light weight warm pajamas. Tho Taipei does not get cold very often it would be nice to have something warm and light when you need it for wet rainy winter days.